Hello Lovelies,
As things progress as time tends to push things through, I had a
lovely night and worked. After helping with the puppy and Bunny’s homework, I
was able to go down and do some paracording. The silence and peace of it all
has started to help me remind myself who I am. As the evening was winding down
I watched a streamer last night named “Fierce Kittenz” who was in a ren fair
outfit (gorgeous colors) and sewing while talking about code. While sweating
her ass off (though you couldn’t tell from the cameras at all) she was doing
what she loved and having a blast.
I should stream more though at the same time; I want to make sure
I’m 100 percent for entertaining people. I want to be myself again, to realize
the independent streak within me. To realize myself and worth regardless of who
is in my life and where they are. To realize that even though I’m where I am, I
can only try to improve and grow from it.
I will say that I wait for my ‘true love’ to come to me, because
going to him or trying to find him always seems to be folly. I’m done chasing,
searching and trying to discover; that is where the heart break lies. I think
with this last lesson has taught me to stand back; let fate come to you with
what you’re ready for. As much as I would love to get the discovery and
awkwardness over with and jump into it; it’s how you build and structure the
future. As I’ve told others you need a good foundation of trust, mutual respect
and to be both on the same page of what each other wants.
For someone to be elusive to me and learn all about me without
sharing back seems to be not as honest or as forthcoming as I deserve. I’m
direct and at times blunt, I would like the same in return. The evasiveness
wasn’t fun nor playful; it was like I was being tested or rewarded for being a
‘good girl’. I’m a woman and should be respected and treated as such. If I’m
going to tell you the truth, if I’m going to be direct with you; that is what I
would like back in return. Evasiveness seems to me that you’re hiding or not
wanting to be honest with me and toying around with me. Now, this might seem
like I’m mad or angry. Actually, I’m rather calm and reflective right now.
I’m sure there will always be that awkward I don’t know how I feel
stage, or I’m not sure if I want to do that can we just be friends. I respect
that if it’s brought up in a way that is respectful and understanding. I know
that one day I want my ‘true love’ to be my best friend. I want them to know me
as much as I know them and we are complementing each other. Not exactly the
same to be clones, but not completely opposite that there is nothing in common.
Just the about the right amount of common ground to have a wonderful bond, but
have enough diversity to cover things the other half doesn’t.
To be fair, I miss a lot of things at times because I think
literally at times. I do have to change my mind set to go abstract or it has to
be blatantly abstract. I would like my ‘other half’ to catch that for me and
fill me in. I can do other things for them, where our weaknesses are they have
it as a strength and vice versa. I don’t think that’s too much or too hard to
ask for.
What do I look for? Well if we click, if we have some similarities
while differences that mesh well together. Physical looks are subjective due to
I look for the personality and the integrity of the person. I’m a sucker for a
shade/color of eyes and no I’m not telling. I’m sure I’ll get trolled enough
with deep voices I’m not letting this one slip. I would love just a genuine
man, with a good heart, lovely soul and the means to want to create a
partnership with me.
Though until that comes, I’m not going to harp, beg, plead or even
whine about this. Why? I’m secure in my singleness that I can find things to
entertain myself. Mr. Snuggles (my teddy bear, I have one don’t judge) as my
snuggle buddy. My daughter for laughs and family moments; my extended family
for the love and support of it all. If and when this man comes into my life; he
will be an added asset to my life and others around me.
I’m not going to change, just evolve myself. To improve and better
myself; to keep myself happy and joyful while I continue to hang around this
planet. Sure I’m going to go through rough patches, hard spells and even depressing
times; but in the end I’m going to do my best to always center and ground
myself to be the person I always try to be and aspire to be.
My family and friends both in real life and on the internet are
always my growing inspiration to do and be better. Without them, it would be
hard to always be as positive as I try to be. If you are one of them and you
happen to read this blog; thank you. I couldn’t and wouldn’t be here without
your love and support. I hope that for everything you all are giving to me,
that I’m returning it in kind.
Hope you all have a great weekend,
Best Wishes,
Junie
xoxo
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